Tuesday, 22 July 2008

PC World

It isn’t her hormones that made her like that
It was Kipling, Kentucky, McVitie and Greggs
But we’re not sposed to say that the woman is fat
Tho there’s less on my body than one of her legs
We have to say curvy or fuller in figure
We can’t say humungous we have to say bigger

Cos this is – PC World

It isn’t her thyroid or one of her cells
It’s simply the fact that she eats like a pig
12 curries a day is the reason she smells
8 burgers at once explains why she’s so big
But the way things are now we can’t just tell her straight
That her 5 chins are thanks to the 5 cows she ate

Cos this is – PC World

Her arms are like jellied hams, legs are like porks
Her breasts are so huge that they rest on her knees
Her facial fat shakes like a quake when she talks
Her arse sucks your hand like frogspawn if you squeeze
She needs the damn truth but we tell polite lies
She’s too bloody fat but we say she’s outsize
And so she’ll keep eating like that, ‘til she dies

Thanks to – PC World

Saturday, 12 July 2008

The Ballad of Angharad

Once upon a time there lived a young girl
A princess although she was raised as a pauper
Born into dirt but really a pearl
A diamond, a gem, a blue-blooded daughter
Descended from princes whose reign is now dead
But of course no-one knew that this girl was a treasure
As a baby the princess was dropped on her head
As she grew men who knew her IQ was low measure
Used the young girl for their own secret pleasure

She put the cum into Cymru all right
A few blokes each day and a few more each night
A Welsh Cinderella who’d let any fella
Try her for size if the payment was right

Carbuncled uncles and toad-featured teachers
Misused Angharad, this young girl so precious
Because she was simple these perverted creatures
Bribed her with Mars Bars and packs of Refreshers
And tho it was seedy, the young girl was greedy
She liked getting sweets in return for her use
Sweets turned to cash as the blokes got more needy
They felt if they paid then it wasn’t abuse
Not much, being tight, but it kept the girl loose

She put the cum into Cymru okay
A few blokes each night and a few more each day
A Cardiff born beauty who’d give all her booty
To any old beast who both asked and could pay

She should have grown up into a princess
Instead she was selling herself on the streets
She would undress for a tenner or less
Sixteen but she’d been on a million back seats
Her low IQ gave her a baby-like smile
Which most of her clients found very disarming
The most popular girl on the Riverside mile
She made every customer feel like Prince Charming
Except that she screwed at a rate quite alarming

She put the cum into Cymru its true
There wasn’t much else that the poor girl could do
A celtic snow white who wasn’t quite right
In the head though in bed she still knew what to do

In stories a princess will often get wed
And live happily ever after
But this one was dropped on her head as I said
Her tale ends in tears not laughter
Pure-bred Angharad, unread, underfed
Caught a disease in some sick fucker’s bed
It spread, now she’s dead
And she has gone to the hereafter
So, unhappily, you’ll never shaft ‘er.